Oh Yeah!!!
Written by Hunter
(Greetings, fellow readers. I’m almost sure you know some advertising characters, like the Hamburglar, the Burger King, or the Noid. But what would happen if one of these troublesome fellows entered in your life, like a dog in a bowling game?
This experience, our unfortunate heroes will live it soon.
Stay and see how, in a plot of their nefarious nemesis, the Seven Mercenaries leave the territories of sanity to land right into ... the Twilight Zone.)
*spooky Twilight Zone music*
(The story begins as one of our friends, Hunter, walks into a shop. Little did he know this small event would later lead him into madness...)
Store Door: *plays a TV-game jingle*
Clerk #1: Congratulations, sir! You’re our millionth customer!
Hunter (civilian clothes): Really? ... Wow.
Clerk #2: *hands Hunter a pack of bottles* Please accept this as a token of our gratitude!
Hunter (civilian clothes): Err ... Thanks ... *slowly walks back and leaves the store* ... (This is the last time I come in this bank.)
Clerk #2: You think this will work?
Clerk #1: (removes his mask to show...)
Riff: Of course! Thanks to Karasû’s magic, we put a dangerous spell on this drink.
Warp Man: (removes his mask) I still stand we shouldn’t have invoked “IT”. The doctor will get mad...
Riff: Impossible, for this time, we’ll win!
(Back to the Marauder)
Falling Star: You sure came back early, Hunter.
Hunter: Yeah, some weirdos. Anyways, *opens the pack* who wants a drink?
All the Mercs: Me!!!
(In some other place, staring through a crystal ball...)
Staccato: I hereby stand to mine point: tis plan is nothing but trouble.
Lento: Unit Lento doesn’t understand how drink will destroy puny Mercs’ minds.
Karasû: Be patient, my friends! Soon, they’ll be driven into insanity and...
(A loud clang is heard)
Karasû: ... despair. Your turn, Warpman.
Warp Man: Okay. *grumbles* stupid Wily ... making us work in the castle’s power plant... *puts an E-Bar in the machinery*
(Anyways, let’s head back to the Marauder, and see what this new evil plot is...)
Kayorei: That drink sure is good.
Stardust: And it comes in all flavors!
Iga: One thing still troubles me...
Naoshi: Yeah?
Iga: The bottles’ names. They’re hidden.
Shinobu: Let’s see this ... *removes the tapeband* ... oh. It’s just plain Kool-Aid.
?: *crashes through the kitchen’s wall* OH YEAH!!!!!
Hunter: What the hell is this?
?: Why, I’m the Kool-Aid Man!
Naoshi: ... I’m pretty sure there was something strange in this drinks.
Shinobu: He ... he ... that pitcher-shaped freak just destroyed our MOTHERFRAGGIN’ WALL!!!!!
Kool-Aid Man: Well, y’see, I kinda do this for a job. Sorry.
Hunter: This doesn’t pardon at all. It was our kitchen’s wall.
Stardust: And a beautiful one at that.
Kool-Aid Man: (I have no money at all!) ... *points in front of him* Oh! Look! A dead seagull!
The Mercs (looking): Where? Where?
Naoshi (turns back): What the ...? That slagger left!
Kayorei: That sure was a master trickster.
Hunter: Okay people, I make it official. Tomorrow, we’ll settle in France.
Iga: Why?
Hunter: At least, there weren’t any giant glass monsters crashing through my wall back then. Giant scorpions, maybe, mutants of course, but no cherry-flavored drinks.
(Back to the castle...)
Riff: Yes! It works!
Lento: Unit intrigued. One wall destroyed equals victory?
Warp Man: I agree with Big One. What’s the point of this?
Karasû: Just wait, my friends.
Staccato (tracting a small chariot): Here lies thine popcorn and sweets.
Fatal Five: Yeah!!!
(In the Marauder, a crisis committee took place. Well, we can’t say it’s much of a comittee...)
Kayorei: Alright, Naoshi! One more shot and it’s done!
Naoshi (using his spear as a soldering iron): This isn’t the kind of work I signed for.
Shinobu: Just to know ... why are we repairing the wall, when we could stop that advertising horror?
Hunter: I can’t stand watching TV when people are peeping from the kitchen.
The Mercs: ...
Naoshi: Okay, it’s done!
Stardust: Wanna drink something? (opens the fridge) We have Energon Soda, orange juice, Kool-Aid...
Kool-Aid Man: (destroys the kitchen’s wall and the fridge)OOHH YEAAH!!!!!
Shinobu: You again!?
Kool-Aid Man: Why, you kids are thirsty today! What you wanna drink? Grape? Strawberry? Or...
Iga (wielding his staff like a golf club): You. Out.
Kool-Aid Man: All right! Just ... could you show me the way to the bathroom? I need to brush my hair.
Falling Star: But... you’re a giant pitcher!
Kool-Aid Man: And what’s your point?
Falling Star: ...Forget it.
Shinobu: Come with me, sir. I’ll show you.
(In the corridors)
Kool-Aid Man: Strange... we’re going to the departure hall. This isn’t the way to... *KZANG*
Shinobu (a Screw Crusher in his hand): This is for our wall! And (puts the remains in a small rocket) Get out! (lanches the rocket in outer space)
Shinobu:Aaah. One good thing done. Though, I could go with some Kool-Aid...
Kool-Aid Man: (crushes a wall) OOHH YEAAH!!!!!
Shinobu: But... but... *runs away screaming* YEAAARGH!!!
Kool-Aid Man: Whatta strange fellow, I say. (heads to the bathroom).
(In the Mission Room, the situation is critical... Well, it should be.)
Stardust: *stares at Kayorei*
Iga: *stares at Naoshi*
Falling Star: *stares at Iga*
Hunter: Okay. So, I accuse the Colonel Mustard, in the kitchen, with the knive.
Kayorei: *looks at the cards* You won, Hunter.
Hunter: Sweet! Wanna play Clue again?
Naoshi: Nah. We should do something about that giant pitcher thing.
Shinobu: *comes in running* He’s *huff* still there *huff*, even after I *huff* threw him *huff* in space.
Iga: You mean ... he?
Stardust: Oh. The Kool-Aid Man.
Kool-Aid Man (crushes a wall): OOHH YEAAH!!!!!
Shinobu: Just... die! *blasts the Kool-Aid Man*
Falling Star: You have some anger management issues, I guess.
Hunter: And now there’s Kool-Aid all over the place.
Kool-Aid Man (crushes a wall): OOHH YEAAH!!!!!
Iga: But... he just got destroyed...
Kool-aid Man: Heh. I’m that strong.
Kayorei: Run away!
(As the Mercs leave the ship, certain characters watch the scene, delighted.)
Karasû: Man, it’s the awesomest thing I’ve ever seen.
Warp Man: That monster will follow them wherever they go. Now, what chance do they have?
Staccato: Look! Now, the true hunt begins!
(As a matter of fact, the Mercs hid themselves in an abandoned Wily Fortress.)
Shinobu: Are you SURE he won’t find us here?
Hunter: Relax! This base has everything: spikes, unending pits of doom, lava rivers, robo-sharks with laser beams...
Naoshi: Wily never had the latter.
Iga: You hide us something, pal.
Hunter: ... Okay. I’m currently transforming this castle into an extra fortress for us, in case something goes wrong with the Marauder. No one will find us here!
Falling Star: If you say so. Do I bring you the drinks?
The Mercs: Sure!
Falling Star: (opening the fridge) ... Oh no. What drinks did you bring here, Hunter?
Hunter: I’m pretty sure I took of all sorts, but it seems that... there is... only...
Shinobu: Dontsayitdontsayitdontsayit!!!!!
Hunter: (didn’t hear) Kool-Aid.
Shinobu: Nooooo...
Kool-Aid Man (crushes a wall): OOHH YEAAH!!!!!
Shinobu: ...oooooo!!!!!
Kool-Aid Man: Why, that’s a nice base you have.
Hunter: (snaps) Okay, you freak! You’ll go down ... for good!
(By pressing a small button on the wall, Hunter opened a panel with a big red button)
Naoshi: Uh-oh.
Iga: Run away!
Hunter: Self-destruct activated ... now! (pushes the button)
KABLOOOEYYYY!!!!!
(Is this it? Did the Mercs truly die to the Kool-Aid Man?)
Riff: Yeah! We won!
Warp Man: High five!
(As the Fatal Five cheered and rejoiced, a trail tracted by a known face comes in)
Metal Man: Oy, people! Wanna drink something?
Lento: What does Metal Man have to drink?
Metal Man: Well, there’s tea, soda, Kool-
Riff: Stop!
Staccato: Hammer Time! *punches Naoshi with a hammer before he ends the dreaded word*
Riff: Pheeew. That was close.
Lento: *scratches head* Strange. Why unit Metal Man could not say Kool-Aid?
Kool-Aid Man (crushes a wall): OOHH YEAAH!!!!!
Karasû: Oh sh-
(You know what happened when a giant pitcher launched at high speed does when it runs into a generator? It really hurts.)
KABLOOOEYYYY!!!!!
Warp Man: (from under the wreckage) Damn. We were so close.
Riff: At least we destroyed the Mercs. We shouldn’t be punished too much for this, right?
(I’m afraid you’re wrong, people.)
Ben (Heat Man): I hate two things when I wake up: no lights in my room, and the whole castle smelling of synthetic cherry. *cracks knuckles* It’s “punish the Fatal Five” day!
Karasû: Mommy.
Metal Man: At least, I’m not much hu- (a huge debris falls on his head, smashing him good) ... Ouchies.
(So, what happened at the Merc’s hide? Let’s see now!)
...
(They’re nowhere to be seen! Let’s try the Marauder, maybe)
Kayorei (drinking tea): Whew. That was a thrilling experience.
Stardust: I’m sure glad there was an emergency teleport in that auto-destruction protocol.
Hunter: Heheh ... Forgot it in the moment. So, who wants Kool-Aid? ...Oops.
...
Iga: Nothing?
Shinobu: Hurray! It’s over – finished!
Naoshi: It’s a bit illogical. I mean, he got smashed in pieces and thrown in space, but didn’t survive a building collapse?
Stardust: Bah! As long as he doesn’t bother us anymore, I’m good.
(And with these final words end our travel to the edge of insanity. Sure, you may think that the Mercs sure recovered fast, but keep in mind that, even if they don’t display it, their minds will be scarred forever by that travel into... the Twilight Zone.)
?: Mein Gott! The narrator is, like, totally impersonating Rod Serling!
(What on Earth are YOU doing here, Hasselhoff?)
David Hasselhoff: Hey, I’m just bringin’ a new friend back home! *POOF!*
Kool-Aid Man (repaired): Wow. Thank you, sir!
David Hasselhoff: Bah, it’s nothing. Say, wanna get a revenge on those meany Mercs who destroyed ya?
Kool-Aid Man: Of course!
David Hasselhoff: Good! And now, jump in my car! (Yeah, KITT just appeared next to him. Don’t ask me how)
David Hasselhoff: Let’s hit the road, budday!
(And as these two miscreants slowly disappear, all I can say now is goodbye to you, faithful readers.)
THE END
(Oh, and be careful when saying Kool-Aid. HE might destroy your wall. Bye!)
