Battle of Wits... Or At Least Rocket Launchers
Written by Naoshi and Magnus
(It's been a few weeks after the incident with Mega Man and Hasselhoff. The Fatal Five take their seats in a room deep within Wily's fortress to review their previous missions and devise new plans to eliminate the Seven Mercenaries.)
Riff:
Alright... We've noticed all of our plans to destroy the mercenaries
have been a complete total failure. So much a failure that the
mercenaries don't even know we exist!
Karasû:
And whose fault is that? *shoots a look at Warp Man*
Riff:
Exactly!
Warp Man:
Oh, shut up! Lento screwed up that last one with Hasselhoff!
Lento:
Lento did what Warp Man told Lento to do.......
Riff: And
hiring a human of all beings to get rid of the 7 Mercs! What
kind of a plan was that?!
Warp Man:
Hey, he had a vendetta and I didn't expect Mega Man to show up!
Karasû:
He has a point, for once.
Staccato:
I doth agree. Sir Mega Man is quite the worthy adversary.
Riff: Oh
and the 7 Mercs weren't that much stronger? Even without Mega Man,
there were 6 of them, excluding Kayorei, who was kidnapped! Hasslehoff
was outnumbered so my point still stands.
Warp Man:
Whatever.
Riff:
*sighs* Wily is gonna kill us once he finds out we've been using his
Red Sniper Joes. Okay, let's do a little recap on our recent plans
excluding that trainwreck of a plan that involved Hasselhoff. Remember
when we all had separate plans of our own?
Karasû:
That was the worst..
Riff: I
thought it would have worked seeing as how Warp and Lento always screw
up my plans when we all group up! In speaking of... I would like to
hear something from you, Warp Man. You've never told us what was your
solo-plan.
(Flashback)
Warp
Man(voiceover): It was a simple bait and switch. I was going to
bait them to where Lento was going to fall, thus allowing him to crush
them all, if not more then 4.
Warp Man:
Alright, the bait's ready, Lento should be getting into position right
about now.....
Naoshi: *is holding a map
of Megalopolis while mumbling* Stupid Hunter... wants me to shop in the mall all alone...
(Warp Man notices Naoshi is the only one outside)
Warp Man:
Crap. Only one?! Oh well. Time to-
Lento:
LENTO SMASH! *falls on Warp Man, just as Staccato & Karasû jump out
of the bushes*
Staccato:
I doth haveth no idea what just transpired...
Karasû:*is
laughing himself to death*
Naoshi: *is still walking;
not noticing what happened*
(End Flashback)
Riff: Wait,
Lento?! I thought yours was suppose to be a solo-plan!
Warp Man:
Hey, it's not my fault Lento thinks out loud.
Riff: Do
you even know what solo means?
Warp Man:
*mumbles to himself*
Riff: What
about you, Karasû? How was your solo-plan?
Karasû:
I didn't have one. I was just going to ambush them.
Riff: ...
Karasû:
Quite ironically, at the same place Warp was smashed.
Riff: ...
Staccato:
My plan had a small portion of stealth to it. I was going to try and
grab Enker, then pose as him. Ironically, at the same place too.
Riff: ...YOU
ALL ARE MISERABLE FAILURES!!!
Warp Man:
Oh, and like yours was any better? What did you do?
Bass:
*walks in overhearing the conversation* Yeah, you all failed so badly
that you make Team Rocket look like geniuses.
Riff: Screw
you.
Karasû:
Cyros hit you with the Time Stopper during one of his 'Pokemon marathon
runs', didn't he?
Bass:
...Shut up!! The horror...
Karasû:
*smirk*
Riff: Haha,
you suck.
Bass: Shut
up, Riff. What was your plan anyways?
Riff: ...
I um...
Lento:
Lento want to know Riff plan.....
Bass:
Nothing? You've thought of nothing?
Riff:
*stays silent* ...
Bass: Ha ha
ha! Really disappointing. You're the brainiac of the group and yet
you've thought of nothing?
Warp Man:
Meh. He was probably going to mooch off of the work the rest of us did.
Riff: Go to
hell, Warp Man.
Staccato:
How good haveth your plans to destroy Sir Mega Man been doing, Sir
Bass?
Bass: Why
you...
Riff:
*smirk*
Bass: Shut
up! At least my rival knows of my existance, unlike you idiots. In
fact, I think I'll take care of the mercenaries myself since you guys
do nothing but waste the doctor's time with your lame schemes.
Lento:
Lento thinks Unit Bass' idea is stupid.
Riff:
Lento, don't you realize something? We have a chance to prove we're
better than Bass!
Karasû:
So?
Riff: We
will be promoted if we beat Bass to the punch! Just think of what Wily
would promote us to! Warp Man, what's your opinion on this? Yay or nay?
Warp Man:
I'm willing to go for it as long as Lento stays FAR away.
Staccato:
I will admit Sir Bass is not a fool if he outwiteth Sir Riff. However,
if Sir Bass loses, I will fight him if he wishes.
Bass: It's
on then! *teleports to the city*
Staccato:
I'm not taking part of the contest just so thou know.
Riff: Your
loss.
Karasû:
More like your loss. Only you and Warp Man are going through with
this, not us three.
Riff: Fine.
If you all need me, I'll be somewhere in Megalopolis. Oh wait... DON'T
EVEN BOTHER! *teleports*
Lento:
Lento want to help Riff!
(Meanwhile at the city)
Riff:
*panicking* Damn it! I can't think of a new plan! What am I gonna
do?! What am I gonn-...huh? *spots Warp Man*
Warp Man:
*appears on top of a tall building, right next to the one Riff is on*
Riff:
Hmm... I wonder what he is up to.
WarpMan:
Now, to implement my genius plan! *totally doesn't notice Riff*
Riff: Pfft,
I would like to see how it'd go.
Lento(over
Com): Unit Riff want Lento help?
Riff: ...If
you want. Better than no help. (What am I getting myself into...)
Lento:
Lento do best! *Lento teleports next to Riff*
Riff: That
was quick... for you.
Lento:
What plan?
Riff: Er...
Lento:
Unit Riff no have plan?
Riff: Of
course I do! I just...
Lento:
Lento have idea.
Riff:
Really?! Tell me
Lento: Try
and trick Unit Mercenaries to let down guard.
Riff:
...Elaborate.
Lento:
Lento not good at details.
Riff: We're
doomed.
Warp Man:
*is building something, like a Tom & Jerry style over-the-top
complicated device* Almost there...
Lento:
Maybe Lento can back Mercenaries into corner for Riff to finish off!
Riff: We
need more details. How are you gonna corner them and how am I gonna
finish them off?
Lento:Lento
thought Unit Riff could figure out, since Unit Riff smart.
Riff: Aha!
I remember building a machine the other day! I'll get to it ASAP!
Lento:
Lento wait here.
Riff: Good!
*teleports*
(Meanwhile)
Bass:
*is grumbling to himself* Where am I gonna find those mercenaries?
Naoshi: Why do I always have to be the one doing the shopping? I swear, it's like Hunter and Kayorei wants me to go nuts and kill everything I see moving and *mumble mumble*
Bass:
Looks like we just found one of them, Treble.
Treble: *growls*
Bass:
Hey, you! With the stupid green hair!
Naoshi: *turns around
and sees Bass* Hey, you! With the goofy fish fin helmet!
Bass:
What did you say about my helmet?!
Naoshi:
That's right! Your helmet looks like a fish fin!
Bass:
No one calls my helmet a fish fin! You're dead meat!
Naoshi:
Bring it on, asshole!
(Whoops, wrong place.)
(Staccato and Karasû are playing Halo 2 against a team of 3 people)
Karasû:
Nice move.
Staccato:
Thank you, Sir Karasû!
(Staccato kills another member of the red team with the beam sword.)
????: ****!!!! DIE!!!!!
Karasû: Oh, I think you made him mad. Cover me, I'm going for the rockets!
Riff:
*walks in* Have any of you seen my wea-
Lento:
*teleports in aswell* Fatal Five playing Halo 2 without Lento?! *goes
to pick up a controller*
Riff: Oh what?! Well... Who needs you anyways? I found my weapon now! Time
to show it off to the idiots before they attack the Mercenaries.
(Meanwhile...)
Warp Man:
AH-HA! It's done! *sees Bass and Treble* Woah, you guys look like crap.
What happened? Did you found one of them and got defeated in humilation? Hahaha.
Bass:
Shut up! ... *spots the complicated creation* What the hell is
that thing?
Warp Man:
*is looking contently at his creation* The implement of your defeat!
*presses button*
*tick*
Bass: My
defeat? Are you sure it'd still be able to have enough energy for the
7M after using it?
*tick*
Warp Man:
...I haven't really thought of that.
*tick*
Bass:
...You suck. *runs away*
Riff:
*teleports back to the spot he was once at* Hello losers! I've found my
ultimate weapon and...hey why is that machine overheat-...OH CR-
*BOOM!*
(Riff and Warp Man gets blown sky high, same to Bass who didn't ran fast enough, poor guy. But enough of that, let's see how the other Fives are doing in their game of Halo.)
Game Voice: GAME OVER. Green Team wins.
Player 1 Voice: Good game, Red Team.
Lento: Fun
game! Fatal Fi- *the microphone dies off randomly* ve had great time!
Player 2 Voice: Er...What did he say? Fatal...F...Something? I think something went wrong with the microphones of theirs.
Player 3 Voice: Maybe it's Pentabulous Five?
Player 2 Voice: Fivey Five?
Player 1 Voice: Must be just one of those weird clan names.
(Riff teleports in all damaged)
Riff: I
give up! We will never take down the 7Mercs or even get their attention!
(Bass enters the room too all damaged aswell)
Bass: ...I
am never gonna go anywhere near you morons again...
Lento:
Unit Lento had a fun game with Karasû and Staccato! We played against 4
players named "JeremyStardust" "Hunter Comiemerc" "Shinobu1286" and
"IgaWoodBuster"!
Riff: ...
Lento: ?
Riff: ...THOSE
WERE THE MERCENARIES!!! ARGH!!
Bass:
What?! This is bullshit. Never dealing with you idiots again. *stomps out of the room*
Karasû:
Well, that was unexpected...
Warp Man:
*is only a head and gets stomped on when Bass leaves the room* I hate
my life.
Riff:
I hate your life, too.
Lento:
Bass forgot to fight Staccato....
Staccato:
Meh. I doth not care.
Warp Man:
...Anyone gonna help me get a new body?! *sees Riff loom over him* ...Riff...please old buddy pal?
Riff: ...
*kicks him out of the window* Good riddence!
Karasû:
He'll be back...
THE END