Worst. Trap. Ever.
Written by Naoshi, Magnus, Shinobu and Iga
(Hunter and Iga went to think about the big boredom incident which occurred a week ago, so they set out to help make sure they wouldn't get that bored again. Stardust suggests they should get some more TVs, considering that there's only 1 in the entire base. They all leave Kayorei to guard the ship seeing as how she'd probably play DDR while the rest of the Mercs are gone.)
Stardust: How about that TV!? *points at a huge and wide one*
Star: Can we fit that in a room?
Stardust: Why not just have Iga and the Joes make the room bigger?
Falling Star: Iga is capable of doing that?
Stardust: Well, he's supposed to be as smart as a scientist I think.
Iga: You and me both know that we don't have the money to buy that TV and rebuild an entire room.
Hunter: Why not a job?
Naoshi: But we're already mercenaries, don't we get paid for doing mission requests?
Iga: Well, that always depends on how often we're needed.
Naoshi: Well... we have the money we earned from the missions now with us, right?
Hunter: Beats me. Falling Star's in charge of that.
Falling Star: *nervous chuckle*
Stardust: Hey, where'd Shinobu go?
(They all spot Shinobu drooling over a rather large widescreen HDTV)
Stardust: Oh, nevermind...
Naoshi: *spots another TV* Hey, now this is the TV we need!
Stardust: Holy crap! Look at this! *points at a sign* It's even got built-in online capabilities!
Naoshi: It supports as many as 10 game consoles at once! No more switching plugs around!!
Shinobu: *excited* IT EVEN MAKES COFFEE!!!
(It's really a large HDTV with many unique functions...but as soon as Naoshi spots the price tag...)
Stardust: What's the problem?
Hunter: *looks at the tag* $50,000?!
Stardust: Oh damn...
Naoshi: That's pretty damn expensive for a TV! We only have about $145 so far.
Falling Star: *nervous chuckle* Uh...it's actually $5 now.
Hunter: What do you mean...?!
Naoshi: You've spent our hard-earned money, didn't you?
Falling Star: ...
Iga: On what, may I ask?
Stardust: What was that package that was addressed to you that I had to sign off for two days ago?
Falling Star: Oh, come on! ...It was only about $140!
Yeah, $140 too much, idiot!
Stardust: Well, we left Kayorei back at the base...Why not ask if any new missions have come up?
(Back at the base.)
Stardust: *looks around* Hey, Kayorei? Any new missions?
Crew Joe: Miss Ballade has already left on a mission.
Crew Joe: Yes, a mission request that was specified for Miss Ballade only was received, and she promptly left.
Naoshi: What's her mission?
Crew Joe: I do not know, she deleted the request after reading it.
Iga: It's as if she's got something to hide
Naoshi: Just what we need...
Crew Joe: Although, there is another request, except this one is for the rest of you. It says the reward is $100,000.
Iga: WE'LL TAKE IT! What's the mission!?
Crew Joe: It's an assault/escort. You are to assault one of Wily's old fortresses, now in use by someone else. Retrieve the prisoner from cell #37, then escort the prisoner.
Hunter: Why do I smell a trap?
Iga: And who is this "someone else"?
Crew Joe: It is unknown, although several robots have been seen entering and exiting.
Naoshi: What base is it?
Crew Joe: According to the request, Wily's second base.
Naoshi: Second base?
Crew Joe: The second skull castle
Naoshi: The same fortress Wily built for his second scheme?
Crew Joe: Affimitive.
Naoshi: The second scheme that included Metal Man, that dumb idiot wh-
Hunter: *interrupts* Yes, Naoshi. That fortress.
(They switch to their armored forms and goto the teleporter pad to teleport outside of the fortress. They've arrived not too far from the fortress' entrance. However...)
Stardust: Wow, this place looks different.
Shinobu: Wasn't it originally painted black, blue, and gray?
Naoshi: According to the documentary.
Iga: I remember that documentary, put me right to sleep in no time at all.
(They walk towards the tower that leads to the entrance of the once abandoned castle. However, before getting to the tower, the Mercs hid behind a boulder and Naoshi takes a peak of what's ahead.)
Naoshi: I see a whole bunch of Sniper Joes on the horizon...guarding the tower!
Shinobu: Pfft. Joes? Exactly why should we be worried?
Naoshi: *points at the huge army of them* What do you think, genius?
Falling Star: And they're....
Naoshi: I have a plan. Shinobu, you roll up into a ball and you roll/cut through the armies of joes as a distraction. I jump into the crowd with my mirror buster attack. They will be distracted by me and try to attack and then everyone else will jump right in and attack every joe in the way, and then we storm to the tower!
Wow. That was a mouthful!
Shinobu: I love my job.
Naoshi: Okay on a count of 3...2...1...GO!
Shinobu: *curls up and barrels through the joes, the first impact sounding like a bowling ball hitting the pins*
Joes: ALERT! ALER-*crunched*
Shinobu: EXTREME JOE-BOWLING!
Naoshi: *jumps in into gap* Alright!
Joes: Enemy targeted. *the surrounding Joes shoots Naoshi*
Naoshi: *raises his spear up and the projecticles gets absorbed into the spear* NOW GUYS!!
Falling Star: *blasts water at the joes*
Stardust: *charges forward and leaps over Naoshi, then lands with a very lound 'KRAKA-BOOM!' onto about 20 joes*
Hunter: *drill punches through dozens of Joes*
Iga: *dives into the fray, swinging his staff around at the Joe army*
Naoshi: *shoots out a huge charged up shot towards to a row of joes*
Shinobu: *bowling for joes, and quite effectively as they're running at him when he nears*
Naoshi: *spear dashes through another row*
Stardust: *launches several mini-twisters at the joes, sucking them up*
(Okay, we get the idea, Merc. So... 20 minutes later.)
Joe: *is the only Joe left after the fighting, and is surrounded by the Mercs* I S-S-S-SURRENDER!
Hunter: Good! Now lead us the way to the tower.
Joe: Y-yessir! Right away!
Joe: Here you are, sirs.
(The Mercs enters the tower and looks above only to see million of ladders, leading straight up to a room.)
Naoshi: That's alot of ladders to climb...
(Later, the mercenaries reaches to the top of the tower by climbing said million of ladders.)
Naoshi: Oh god...that was a long way up.
Shinobu: I still think I should have just busted through the walls....
Hunter: For once, I agree.
Naoshi: ...Why didn't you tell us?!
Shinobu: I tried telling you, but you wouldn't listen, Naoshi!
Maybe if Falling Star were to shut his trap for a second on how long
that climb was.
Star: Oh, shut up...
Joe: *ahem* Well sirs, here we are.
Iga: Thanks, but I have a question for you. Who are you working f-*a giant buster shot flies through the air and goes straight through the Joe's head*
Shinobu: I hate Tuesdays.
???: Huh? Who's there?!
We're The Seven Mercenaries and we-
Hunter: *interupts* Hey, I know that voice...
Shinobu: If you say Mega Man, I'm going to have a psychotic episode....
???: The Seven Mercenaries? *a figure steps out from behind the wall*
Hunter: Mega Man. I was honestly wondering when we'd bump into you.
Wait... The Mega Man Hunters and Genesis Unit?! *aims his Mega Buster
at the mercenaries*
Hunter: Oh, we're not the original killers. We're the 'new' models. We're the 7 Mercenaries.
Hey, as long as you're not Wily's minions, we won't have a problem!
Shinobu: *babbling incoherently*
Falling Star: Actually, we were, but until we looted a base from Wily and ditched him.
Cool, I guess.
Naoshi: What are you doing here anyways?
Mega Man: Probably the same reason you guys are. Dr. Light detected a distress signal coming from this place.
Distress Signal? We're here on a mission to rescue someone too.
Mega Man: Really?
Hunter: This still strikes me as odd.
Shinobu: How so?
Hunter: Well, first Kayorei runs off by herself, then we bump into the most famous Light Bot in existence? If this doesn't scream 'TRAP' I don't know what does.
Falling Star: Good point.
Naoshi: But why Kayorei?
Stardust: Well, the Joe said there was a mission that asked for just her.
I mean why Kayorei? What has she done to get possibly captured?
Iga: Well...*points at an obviously made by a ballade cracker scorch mark* Looks like that confirms who's captured.
Naoshi: And there was a struggle here too...
Stardust: And she's probably pissed.
Mega Man: Well, it's most likely not Wily. He'd bait you all at once.
Shinobu: I can't wait to see how badly this place goes up in smoke once we bust Kayorei out of the cell...
Stardust: Ditto that.
Hunter: You two scare me sometimes.
Mega Man: Alright, so your friend's been captured, and is probably about 3 steps away from blowing us all to kingdom come from what you're saying.....
Hunter: Pretty much.
Naoshi: Kayorei gets angry? That's something new.
Falling Star: You know how much she has complained about not wanting to be the 'damsel in distress'. What's to stop her from going off the deep end and killing us all?!
Shinobu: *sighs* Less talk more action.
Mega Man: *looks at a ventilation shaft at their feet* Oh, I think I found a shortcut.
Naoshi: Great. Lead the way.
Mega Man: *yanks the grate off the vent, then motions for the rest to hop down*
Shinobu: Uh, how exactly do Stardust and I are going to fit in this?
Mega Man: Simple. You go bowling ball and bust your way down.
Shinobu: Works for me.
Naoshi: Stardust can just stay here. In case there's anyone going down the vent after us. Who knows what's going to happen?
Stardust: Gah, fine. *grumble grumble*
(They went down the vent)
Mega Man: *land with a dull thud, then move out from under the vent before the Mercs lands on him*
Naoshi: What room is this? Mega Man, you've been in the fortress before.
Mega Man: Uh, looks like we're about 3 yards away from the kitchen. And the prison cells are about another 10 ft away from there. This is one of those days I'm glad Dr. Light doesn't throw away Master Weapons. *switches to the familiar Hyper Bomb, aim the Mega Buster towards the kitchen*
Naoshi: I say we just dash our way through and attacking anything in our way.
Falling Star: Are you sure that's a good idea?
Mega Man: How do you think I survive all those areas before the Master Rooms?
Hunter: Odd, you used to strike me as more the pacifist type.
Mega Man: I get that a lot. *throws a hyper bomb into the kitchen*
(A loud explosion is heard)
Naoshi: Why are we attacking the kitchen?
Mega Man: Hey, who's to say that whoever did this isn't making a sandwich?
(Several Bubble Bats burst out of the kitchen in a frenzy)
Naoshi: Ack! *blasts the Bubble Bats*
Mega Man: *tosses up a small hyper bomb at the bats but misses and hits a mysterious figure*
???: OW! MY KNEE CAPS!
Naoshi: Who said that?!
Mega Man: Dunno, but it sounds like they're in extreme pain.
???: OH $%#&! MEGA MAN?! *loud footsteps of someone fleeing are heard*
Naoshi: After him!
Mega Man: *switches to Spark Chaser and fires it, and it streaks FAR ahead of the ground, then shouts of pain are heard*
Iga: *catches up just close enough to him and trips the mysterious man with his staff*
???: Gah! *trips* MAKE IT STOP! *is still getting hit with the Spark Chaser*
Naoshi: Mega Man! Do you even know who you might be harming?! He could be a human you know!
Humans couldn't possibly be able to run after getting their knee caps
hit by a bomb! They'd limp or not move at all!
(Naoshi walks to the fallen person)
Naoshi: Is that...?
Hunter: Oh, please tell me it's not him.....
Damn it...It is him... David
Hasselhoff! *looks at Mega Man with an annoyed face*
Mega Man: ...Did I mention David Hasselhoff isn't really human? Heh? ...Heh?
Hasselhoff: Damn right it's me!
One thing that concerns me though, ...who requested this mission
Hasselhoff: I did of course! But you guys came here way earlier
than I've expected, I didn't even get to set up the traps! And I didn't
expect you to bring Mega Man along! I've thought I've disabled Kayorei's calling device completely!
Hasselhoff: I mean, devices like that are hard to figure out the first time!
It's not that! It's about your trap, it was still unfinished even after you've called us?
This is one of the worst traps ever... You're practically defenseless!
Star: Wait! Does this mean there's no reward for
Who cares?! We gotta save Kayorei now!
Hasselhoff: No matter, I'll end you all right here! And after
that... I've got some unfinished business with Kayorei that needs to be
taken care of.
(All of the sudden Ballade Crackers blasts through a wall.)
David Hasselhoff: What?!
David, you're fucked. Good day, sir.
Kayorei: *eyes glows red*
Mega Man: He's all yours. *dashes behind Naoshi*
Kayorei: *spots David with a very threatening look* ...
David Hasselhoff: Oh crap...
Naoshi! Get the popcorn ready!
Naoshi: Mega Man blew up the kitchen, remember?
Shinobu: *has a bag of popcorn* Not the microwave...
Mega Man: Score, can I have some?
Shinobu: Sure. *Mega Man takes some popcorn*
Kayorei: *demonic glow*
David Hasselhoff: Mommy...
This is so gonna be good! *munches on popcorn*
<insert violent scene of Kayorei ripping David Hasselhoff a new one>
David Hasselhoff: AUGH! NO! Not my beautiful face! *gets beaten in the skull with a pipe*
Mega Man: That's awesome!
Hunter: *is holding a video camera* And I got it on tape!
David Hasselhoff: HELP! GAH MY SPLEEN
(Blood splatters everywhere.)
David Hasselhoff: *whole body is completely severed*
Naoshi: *shaken up* ...I...I...I...have never seen that side of Kayorei...
Kayorei: *faints from exhaustion*
Falling Star: Think we can use this tape as blackmail?
Hunter: I like living too much to blackmail her with it.
Iga: Well...That...I think...this is...
Mega Man: *shrugs*
Shinobu: *pokes Hasselhoff* Yeah, he is pretty dead
Iga: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...
Hunter: ...Let's head back to the HQ...
Well, hang on. *points at a safe* One of you guys mentioned about
getting rewarded for the mission, right?
Oh right! Our "reward"!
Mega Man: *blows open the safe he just found* It's the least I can do for you guys.
Naoshi: Thanks! ...Hey wait, I just realized something. How did you pass those red joes we had to face? You were obviously ahead of us when we got to the entrance of this fortress.
Mega Man: Simple. *takes out Item 2; a rocket jet* Rush Jet was too slow. And I didn't want to deal with the Sniper Joes.
(The Mercs (including the fainted Kayorei) teleports to their base while Mega Man teleports back to Light's Lab)
Hasselhoff: ...*leg twitches; gets up as nothing has happened to him* It's a miracle! I live! Ha!
They think they truly gotten rid of me for good! *walks out of the
(As he enters outside, there's a bunch of police cars and helicopters surrounding him.)
Policebot: You're surrounded! Hands up in the air!
Hasselhoff: Damn it!
(An hour later, back at the shop the Mercs were in earlier this epilogue.)
Naoshi: Can't wait to buy that TV!
(He goes to look at where the TV once was but only to see a red tag.)
Iga: What the...?
Naoshi: IT'S SOLD OUT?!
Stardust: Boo! We've worked so hard getting our money!
Star: Oh crap! He's about to pull a Kayorei on us! Hurry, get the
Shinobu: *snatches from some shelf and gives them to Falling Star*
Star: *shoots Naoshi with the tranquilizer* Phew...!
Naoshi: *gets hit with a few of tranquilizers*...zzZzz...
...So...now that I think about what just happened, we killed off David,
right? If that's the case, does this mean we no longer have an enemy?
Really, who else is our enemy?
Well of course no one else!
Iga: ...Well, what about Wily?
Good question. He's probably still pissed we ditched him, I'm surprised
he hasn't built anything against us by now.
So I guess we no longer have an enemy.
Hunter: *chuckles* I guess that pretty much answers it then!