Meet the Fatal Five
Written by Hunter-Chameleon (Quint)
(A new day starts calmly at the Marauder. Everyone is having a nice sleep – for now...)
(Our story begins in Kayorei’s room. She’s still sleeping. When...)
Hunter: (through a mic) Hem, testing. 1, 2. 1, 2. Do you hear me, all?
Kayorei: (slowly awakening) Hmm?
Hunter: WAKE UUUUUUUP!!!!!
Kayorei: Yeaargh! (falls of her bed)
Hunter: Okay, everyone. We need you right now in the Testing room.
(The exact same scene happened in the other rooms. Five angry Mercs are now heading to the Lab parts, with a wish to put Hunter’s head on a spike... Clever move, boy)
Iga: Told you, Hunter. Even the narrator agrees it was a bad idea.
Hunter: Meh. It was this, or waiting another hour.
(The doors opened, quickly followed by a blow of disparate projectiles, all aimed at our green Megaman look-alike)
Iga: (hidden behind a table) 0_0. Lucky, I was hiding.
Naoshi: (with a murderous expression) That takes care of Moron No.1...
Shinobu: (eyes glowing a fiery red) Give us a reason not to do the same with your head, Iga.
Iga: Hem, err, it’s some device we just finished, and... heheh... he got pretty excited about showing it to you. Could be interesting, he said.
Stardust: (kicks Hunter’s body) Better be a good one.
Hunter: (with a Screw Crusher blocked in his head) 1T \/\/4s t0 Re\/3r7 U5 b4cK To 0Ur I-IuI\/IaN f0rM5, y’5E3...
Falling Star: Oh. (throws his boxing gloves away). Mind to show us the way?
(They arrive in front of a shower-like machine, very similar to the one Wily used on the Mercs – see Epilogue 1)
Stardust: You tested it yet?
Hunter: (now with a heavily bandaged head) Once or twice, and it works both ways. Iga will show you.
Iga: Why me?
Naoshi: (poking Iga with his spear) Now.
Iga: (sighs) Alright. (walks in the machine). Activate Protocol A.
(The device now starts working, with lights flickering, and many flashes occurring. Then, it all stops, and a small monkey toy walks out.)
Iga: I feel weird.
Stardust, Kayorei, Shinobu, Falling star and Naoshi: Wow!
Hunter: I suppose you all want to give it a try?
(After a few minutes, our seven friends are switched back to their original bodies.)
Kayorei: Really cool. Now we can walk out incognito.
Shinobu: I admit it’s nice, but, next time you wake us up like this, Hunter, I’ll rip your head off.
Hunter: Okay, it was bad. But what about having a day-off?
(Then, in town...)
Falling star: Okay, so no one will be afraid of us. What should we do?
Stardust: What about going to the movies? They rerun Forrest Gump!
(Little did they know that someone was spying on them from a dark alley...)
“Raven”: Are you sure they are our targets?
“Sniper”: Almost. Now, if only you would give me these pictures the doctor gave us...
“Sniper”: (sighs) What now?
“BigArm”: Looks like Mr Stupid forgot them.
“Knight”: I hereby claim that this way of act is dishonored for us.
“Sniper”: Oh, please, don’t start. Luckily no one has...
“Sniper”: ...spotted us yet. Yeah, what do you want?
(Would you give me your names? It’s all pretty boring to go with that nicknames. Besides, think of the readers.)
“BigArm”: We have readers now?
“Armored”: Privacy of unit: violated.
“Sniper”: Okay, let’s present us!
Riff: My name’s Riff, and I’ll stuff you full of lead!
Warpman: You’ll get a time of pain, if you forget my name – Warpman!
Staccato: If thou are no man of honor, suffer the punishment of Staccato’s blades!
Karasû: A shadow in the night / Holder of the raven’s might / Karasû!
Lento: Unit Lento will kick your ass fast.
Riff: Together we form the...
The five of them: FATAL FIVE! (while striking an awesome, Sentaï-like group pose, and the Boss Theme playing)
(Wow. I mean... that’s cool and all, but your targets walked away.)
The Fatal Five: *All fall to the ground.*
Riff: Nevermind. As you heard, they’re going to see that movie.
Riff: We’ll trap them there!
(Later, at the exit doors of the “Golden Gun”, the closest movie theater...)
Karasû: Okay, that trap is finished.
Lento: Lento requiring explanation of device.
Riff: It’s all simple. Once the Mercs walk in here, they’ll activate the detectors, and unlock this small catapult, throwing acid right on them.
Staccato: It honestly is a piece of art, but my soul cries at thee display of treachery.
Warpman: Shut up.
Karasû: Here they come! Hide!
Hunter: Man, that was beautiful.
Iga: This calls for an ice-cream!
The Mercs: Yeah!
(At this time, they walked right into the Fatal Five’s detectors, and triggered... nothing.)
Karasû: (from a box) Something’s wrong.
(Four boxes get into said zone.)
Warpman: Not great, mighty leader.
Riff: Get lost, mutie. I see the problem.
Staccato: And what is it, sir?
Riff: One of the cables has been disconnected. Luckily, nothing wrong can happen, right?
Lento: (close to the catapult) Error: cable is disconnected. Lento will fix this.
Staccato, Warpman, Riff and Karasû: NoOOOoooo...!!!!! (get covered by acid. Poor guys.)
(Later, in the ice-cream store...)
Karasû: I doubt the seriousness of this plan.
Riff: (dressed as an ice-cream seller) It will work! We’ll make their seats explode while they’re eating ice-cream!
Kayorei: Excuse me, sir?
Staccato: (disguised, too) What could my honourous blade do for such a beautiful damsel like thee?
Kayorei: Err... Three banana-splits, two frozen oranges, a liégeois chocolate, and a peach melba, please.
Warpman and Lento: (bringing all of this to the Mercs’ table) Here you go, people.
Falling star: Thanks a lot, guys!
Riff: (spying on them from the backdoor) They started eating, and no explosion yet.
Warpman: Who was in charge of the bomb, again?
Staccato: ... Oops.
Karasû: What now?
Staccato: I mistakenly gave it to Lento.
(They all turn to Lento who is holding the bomb in his hand. Only 2 seconds before the explosion...)
Fatal Five: Run away!
Stardust: These guys really know how to make ice cream.
Shinobu: Sure. I still wonder why there was an explosion in their back room.
Hunter: (smiling) Maybe they were preparing a... frozen bomb?
The other Mercs: ...
Iga: Was it supposed to be a joke?
Hunter: Screw this. Let's head to the mall.
(Listening from a short distance, the Five prepare a new strategy. Don't give up, guys!)
Riff: Okay, so they'll separate once they are in this mall. At that time, we'll strike and beat them!
Karasû: Sounds good, for a change.
Riff: I already wrote down the strategies you'll use. *hands each of them a paper sheet*
Staccato: These methods are deeply confusing my thoughts, for it needs strange items. The way of the sword is much more successful.*warps*
Warpman: (wrecks his paper) Bah! I'll do it my way! *warps*
Karasû: Not my usual way, but I'll try. *warps*
Riff: You done, Lento?
Lento: Unit received blank sheet.
Riff: ...You're reading the back.
(The Mercs separated in several groups. Let's follow them.)
Naoshi: Sweet! A new Bomberman!
Iga: And it has WiFi, too!
Staccato: (All I need to do is to charge at these foes, and make them feel the mighty wrath of my blades) Montjoie Saint-Denis! *charges head-first, but misses the Mercs. As he continues running, he runs out of the store and falls out of the gallery*
Iga: (watching) We're at the fourth floor, aren't we?
Naoshi: Ouch. I still wonder who that was.
(Another shop, other Mercs!)
Kayorei: Are you sure we need to buy a new computer already?
Shinobu: This one will be for checking the incomes and outcomes. You wouldn't believe how expensive it is to live in a battleship.
Karasû: (I'll throw this little toy, and it will be a piece of cake to care of those). Hah! *guess what? Smokebomb* Now, serious business! *inflames his staff, and charges his victims*
(There is something you forgot, guy: Do you have a way to see through the smoke?)
Karasû: Uh-oh. *Runs into one of the store's giant screens, and gets fried*
Kayorei: What was that?
Shinobu: I dunno. Some weird ad, I suppose.
(Let's see another tentative, shall we?)
Falling star: Hey, they released a new Star wars DVD!
Stardust: Meh. Star Trek's better.
Riff: Great. Nerd talk.
Lento: Lento will smash nerd Mercs!
Riff: 'Kay. So you stay here and shoot at them with that Tractor Beam, while I activate this meat-mincer! Ready?
Lento: Can't remember what to do! Must... charge!
Riff: Nooo! *hit by Lento, the two of them run in the meat-mincer. It hurts. A lot.*
Falling star: Wow.
Stardust: I didn't know they were doing ads for Saw 3 already.
(Hey, one of each group is remaining! Let's find out what's happening!)
Hunter: Camera systems... checked. Micros... checked. Now, to get this back home...
Warp Man: Need a hand, "Quint"?
Hunter: (turns back) What are you sayi... oh, sweet Miniguns! You are still alive?
Warp Man: The Doctor was very nice to me. Now that we're alone, I need to discuss some things with you... and I'll let my bombs speak for me! *shoots at Hunter*
Hunter: *dodges and runs away* Hell! Next time I see Wily, he'll suff... *trips*
Warp Man: *pointing his bomb launcher at Hunter's head* Any final words?
Hunter: Err... Yeah! When was the last time you checked your energy gauge?
Warp Man: ... Oops. *deactivates and falls on the ground*
Hunter: Luckily, he still has that glitch. *runs away with his goods*
(Back in the Marauder...)
Kayorei: That was a really fine day, don't you think?
Stardust: Indeed. We should thank Hunter for this.
Naoshi: ...you look worried, Hunter.
Hunter: Me? Oh, it's nothing. Some old friend I met. Nothing to worry about.
Kayorei: But, didn't you tell me that...
Hunter: Nothing to worry about, I say! Now, step in so that we can switch back to our armors.
(This is how the day ends for the Mercs, but what about the Fatal Five?)
Riff: *all bandaged* A failure. A total failure.
Staccato: Alas, I incline to agree these were hard beginnings.
Karasû: At least, we know how our targets look like! We'll go and beat them another day!
Warp Man: Not so sure. I kinda feel down after these defeats.
Lento: Fatal Five not worthy of villain business.
(Come on, guys! You can't let the readers like this! We need you!)
Riff: Bah. Let them find other bad guys. We're not good at this.
(Only one thing to do now)
Karasû: Are you sure?
Karasû: Okay. Erm... OUENDAAAAAAN!!!!!
Ouendan Squad: *coming from nowhere* We're here to motivate you!
The Five minus Karasû: o_0
Ouendan Squad: *starts dancing and cheering the Five up*
Riff: It... it works! *surrounded by a burning aura*
Staccato: *with flames in his eyes* My soul is warmed by the blaze of a thousand suns!
Warp Man: Next time, we'll beat these Mercs!
The Fatal Five: *while striking an awesome pose* YEAH!
(So, everything goes fine for our two teams. See you next time, all!)
(PS: Play Ouendan. It's awesome.)